As a child, I had a set of pretty horrible teeth, so I’ve had all kinds of retainers, braces and procedures in my mouth. My orthodontist, the arguably evil man that he is, said to me in my impressionable preteenhood “You have the worst teeth I’ve ever worked on besides my daughter. I will talk about you at my retirement party.” Thanks, doc. 

 

I visited San Fransisco with my family when I was 8 and wore a removable retainer at the time. I had to remove it before every meal, so I would foolishly wrap it in a napkin for safekeeping. As you would imagine, it was likely thrown out along with other trash, never to be seen again.

 

I like imagine that my retainer lives an exciting Californian life after I left. So, I gave it sentience so we could follow it on its journey of newfound freedom: visiting the local landmarks, eating good food and meeting the love of his life.